Attachment Knight - Chapter 23

Why is he making that expression?

“Millie, you should be careful with your words and actions so you don’t cause misunderstandings.”

“What misunderstanding?”

“The kind anyone would have if they heard that.”

As if his strength had drained away, he let out a faint, hollow laugh and pulled his upper body back.

“The aura didn’t react. It may not have a greater effect than the known theory, or it could be because it happened before I properly awakened my aura, so it didn’t respond—”

Radem couldn’t continue. Because I grabbed his cheek. Just like that, I pulled him in, and our lips pressed together softly. His wide, beautiful eyes met mine up close.

“….”

I was entranced.

How can someone’s eyes shine this clearly?

Seriously, this man’s eyes.

They’re more beautiful than any jewel I own.

His trembling eyelids, his pupils expanded to their limit, the gentle gaze bound helplessly to me, all of it was lovely. I softly took his hand, which had been awkwardly braced on the bed with nowhere to go, and placed it on my chest. I overlapped my hand over his and gently kneaded it.

“….”

The trembling in Radem’s pupils grew worse. It was so cute that I deliberately teased him.

“Don’t you remember things like this?”

“……What are you doing?”

He pulled his hand away from me. He didn’t push me away. The way his neck had flushed red was quite a sight.

“You like me, don’t you?”

“….”

“That’s why you said things like that earlier. Otherwise, there’d be no reason to say them.”

Radem couldn’t answer. His ears would probably be burning hot if I touched them. With eyes mixed with confusion and attraction, he stared at me blankly, then slowly ran a hand down his face.

“That’s not it.”

I smirked. The man denying it was avoiding my gaze.

“Really?”

“Whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t the truth. My feelings probably aren’t the truth either.”

“I see. So that’s how it is.”

“If I stay here… if I stay by your side, I feel strange. It feels like something is wrong. I become confused and end up following impulses and emotions rather than reason. Even so, I know it. Now I’m certain. Even if I close my eyes and assume everything you say is true, the past is the past, and even if we shared countless emotions and memories back then, the present Millie leaves nothing behind for me.”

“That can’t be. If that were true, why would I have saved you?”

“Who knows. Because it seemed interesting?”

I was hit right where it hurt and fell silent. Of course, my original reason for saving him had nothing to do with amusement. It was purely for my survival and as insurance against an uncertain future. But now, it was more fun.

Because Radem is a very interesting person.

“…That can’t be it.”

“Right. It’s not such a stupid reason.”

“I don’t know what kind of person you are.”

“Do you need to?”

“Sometimes I feel sympathy. I want to take you out of this horrible island with me. I wonder what it would be like for Millicent to live an ordinary life like others. At times, you seem similar to me, and I feel a sense of kinship… but other times, you feel very far away. I see Millie standing on the side of that man known as the most notorious villain of all time.”

“Just hearing that gives me a headache. Don’t overthink it. Look at it simply, simply.”

When I grinned, Radem met my gaze steadily. Then, as if even he found it absurd, he let out a hollow laugh.

“That’s right. Why is it that whenever I think about you, it gets so complicated? That’s why I don’t even understand my own feelings.”

“Don Pisano is a villain who has earned enough resentment that anyone would want to kill him. I’m helping someone like that, and I don’t actually feel any guilt about it.”

“Since what age did you say you’ve been with him?”

“Don’t ask my age. I don’t even know how old I am now.”

“…Even if you’re contributing to Don’s evil deeds and feel no guilt about it, I have no intention of blaming you.”

“He’s a murderer who’s killed hundreds of innocent people, but to me, he’s the one and only savior.”

“….”

I lay down beside Radem, who was staring blankly at the ceiling, propping my cheek on one hand. He glanced at me and muttered weakly, “Are you trying to say that good and evil are relative?”

“No. I know Don Pisano is a bad man too. I’m not denying that. I’m just saying we should think simply. Whether I help him or not, the fact is I’m helping you right now, isn’t it? Just think about that.”

“….”

“Do you feel guilty for having feelings for me?”

He slowly closed his eyes. To me, if you like something, you just like it. I don’t see why you’d add unnecessary feelings on top of that, but with Radem, I can understand. Even if he’s been handling his family’s dirty work, Rosenbauer is still, officially, an honorable house that upholds justice.

For someone as rigid as him, this must be a headache.

I didn’t expect it to be this easy to seduce him, but it was a little fascinating.

The men I’ve seen so far couldn’t think without sex in the equation. Their instincts were entirely animalistic. The moment they found a woman they liked, they’d do anything to shove their reeking cock into her womb and spill their seed.

Isn’t that what men are like, with brains attached to their dicks, their heads filled with nothing but mating?

The behavioral patterns of men ruled by desire are always the same. If they like it, they have to take it. Touch, grope, knead, thrust. Even those who cleverly hide their greed and pretend to be refined can’t hide the look in their eyes once they’ve lost control.

But what about this man?

He doesn’t deny that he’s drawn to me, so why won’t he take it even when I’m practically feeding it to him? It’s not because he’s a knight. In the colosseum of Omelas, renowned knights, respected nobles, and even priests come and go in secret, frequently. They act noble on the outside, but they’re not pure all the way through.

Radem doesn’t lunge at me like other men who start drooling at the slightest spark. Even when I grab his hand and press it against my chest, he just gently pats my hand instead. He’s a strange outlier.

As I played with his large palm, Radem looked at me quietly.

“Guilty? It’s not guilt.”

“Then?”

“It’s just that you….”

“….”

“I find myself wishing you could live a better life than this. Even though it doesn’t really concern me, and you might not even want it, I keep thinking about it on my own.”

“You’re really a strange person.”

“I hope you don’t get hurt. I hope you don’t suffer.”

His murmured words, like a sigh, softly brushed against my ear. His clear violet eyes met mine, then drifted somewhere far away. I smiled and placed the back of my hand against his cheek.

“Who are you thinking about instead of me? A lover you left behind in Apellant? Someone you had a crush on? What kind of person are they? A noble?”

“There’s nothing like that.”

As I kept pestering him, he averted his gaze awkwardly. The skin I was toying with gradually grew warmer. Warm, soft, and firm. I suddenly became curious about the life this man had lived. What kind of people he grew up surrounded by, who he met, and what kind of woman he had shared love with.

I wondered how noble and beautiful the woman who receives a man like this must be. Not vague feelings like kinship or sympathy, but someone he shared a desperate, burning love with.

At the same time, I realized it.

Even after this man leaves, I won’t be able to forget his lyrical way of speaking, his gentleness, the softened edges of his gaze, and his deep, warm body heat. The aftereffects might last longer than I expect.

And the woman this man will love deeply will not be someone as filthy and ugly as me.

How did I ever think of having some fun with this man?

He’s someone so noble and firm, so completely different from me.

We’re like light and shadow. We can touch, but we can’t mix.

Ah, I think I can understand a little of what Don Pisano meant.

If you can’t have it anyway, break it and keep it by your side, wasn’t that it? But I’m not as depraved as Don. I don’t wish for Radem to fall. Still, if he’s going to stay with me, he should at least be prepared to get a little dirty.

Isn’t that right, Radem?

“I don’t understand the complicated psychology you’re talking about. I don’t know that, but….”

His eyes reached my soul. Reflected in those beautifully swirling violet eyes, as if they might pull me in, the woman’s face looked utterly pure.

The moment I was caught by those eyes that saw me as clean, I thought I wanted to sleep with this man.

His hand came up to my cheek. The touch that brushed aside the hair stuck to me was soft like meringue. The tips of his ears were still red. I wondered what this handsome man would look like if he flushed from head to toe.

“My heart is simple enough to answer that question clearly.” I pressed my lips close to his ear and whispered playfully, “I want to sleep with you.”

It’ll be fun.

It’ll be exciting. An anticipation I’ve never felt before swells up like chocolate foam.

“See? It’s simple,” I said, licking his earlobe.