Winter Bud - Chapter 98

Sister Miella said that all the sick people here were people who should be respected. Even wandering sick people with no one to rely on were precious people, and they should serve them with a willing heart.

Nanna wasn’t a nun, but she tried to serve with the same heart as them. So she should be kind. Nanna fed him spoonfuls of soup the way he demanded. The man opened his mouth like a baby bird. That sight didn’t match his big build.

Besides, unlike what he said about having a skin disease, he looked quite healthy. Even that skin disease wasn’t a serious illness. There were sometimes leprosy patients here, so Nanna was frightened, but the nun also said it wasn’t such a serious skin disease.

Maybe that was why. The man’s illness gradually improved. He recovered so quickly it annoyed Nanna, and he trailed after her.

“…What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Looks like you’re thinking about the old days again.”

A dry murmur echoed in her ear. He often wore a heavy face when he looked at Nanna, who was groping through the past. Even if he called it “the old days,” to Nanna, eight years ago was everything. Not even fragments of the time before that came to mind, so her past was short and shallow.

Besides, in those eight years, the only real connection she had was “Karl.” That is, her husband. It didn’t take long for the man who trailed after her to the point of annoyance to become her husband. Nanna couldn’t forget the night she walked into the forest alone to find her lost memories. The accident where she almost lost her life.

It was him who came to save her, surrounded by enraged wolves. If it weren’t for him, Nanna would’ve been torn apart alive by the wolves.

“Nanna.”

The name flowing out from between red lips was still unfamiliar. Nanna, who had been picking him apart inch by inch, turned her gaze away with a slightly gloomy face. The name “Nanna” was the one he gave her. With no name, unable to answer when asked what her name was, Nanna quite liked that name. From then on, Nanna was Nanna.

It wasn’t that she disliked it…. She was curious. Her original name. The life she’d lived. What if she had family somewhere? What if they were looking for her? Karl said to Nanna, who was curious about those things, why her past life mattered.

That being tied down to the past wasn’t good. That it was nothing but something stagnant.

“Looks like you still want to find your memories of the past.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You can be honest.”

“It’s just….”

Nanna bit her lip. After leaving the monastery and settling in Andella, they got lucky and bought this wooden house and built a home. It was small, but they could tend a yard and plant crops in a vegetable garden, so they liked this wooden house more than anything, and they held a simple wedding.

With help from the neighbors, she made a white dress from linen and embroidered the veil she would wear herself. The kindhearted neighboring women gladly helped Nanna, who was preparing for the wedding alone. She filled the veil with wildflowers and birds that Nanna liked. She remembered being busy cutting wildflowers to make a bouquet, and making a garland and his formal wear.

How long and happy the wedding was, how much they ate and how much they laughed. It was a life of only eight years at most, but to Nanna, it felt like that time was the happiest.

“I keep thinking about what it would’ve been like if there’d been a baby.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You still want one?” Karl asked.

Nanna couldn’t answer easily. It was something they’d tried many times and it didn’t work out. There was a time when she was hurt by it and cried all day, but now she was fine. Still, she thought it would’ve been nice if they had one.

Karl was so handsome. If the baby resembled him, it would be very pretty.

“Should we try adopting?”

“Adopting?”

“You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that, it’s just so sudden….”

Nanna whispered with her shoulders hunched. The gaze that landed on her was heavy. Nanna wondered if she’d brought it up for no reason. As she avoided his gaze and closed her eyes, a large hand patted her. Without even realizing she was falling asleep, Nanna drifted into sleep.

***

Nanna had a dream. It was so vivid that dream and reality became hard to distinguish, and the sharpness of it felt strangely foreign. Nanna was wearing a satin dress. The glossy satin shimmered, and the texture was exquisite. Nanna looked at herself in the mirror in a purple dress, then turned her head.

In the distance, she could see people gathered in clusters. They were watching Nanna with sidelong glances while hiding behind their fans. As if she had something smeared on her face. Nanna raised her hand and brushed her cheek with the back of her hand, then hunched her shoulders.

Suddenly, she met the gaze of a man sitting far away. He was sitting on steps higher than everyone else. Maybe that kind of place was called a throne. Nanna instinctively realized he was a man of very high standing.

‘Nanna.’

An indifferent, low voice called her. Nanna moved her steps and went toward him. Then she stopped again in front of the steps. As she lifted her head to look at him, the man’s face looked like a white ball. That was strange. Why is his face a ball? Where did his eyes, nose, and mouth go? From far away it didn’t look like that, so why….

‘Come here.’

He gestured gracefully toward Nanna. Feeling her heart pound, Nanna climbed the steps one by one. When she finally reached him, he parted his lips.

‘You should kneel.’

‘Pardon?’

‘You have to.’

His voice, with not even a hint of sharpness, sounded overbearing. Nanna stared at him blankly, then slowly knelt. Suddenly, the hand that had gestured at her stroked her head. Nanna pressed her cheek to his thigh and stared blankly at his crotch. When she slowly raised her gaze, the face that looked like a ball gained an outline.

‘Ah….’

An exclamation slipped from her lips. The sky-blue eyes began to grow larger and larger.

‘…Karl?’

Nanna blankly called his name. Her husband gave a crude smile. He whispered, ‘Foolish, pitiful Nanna….’ Nanna tried to run away. But a large hand held her shoulder. It was only holding her lightly, but that monstrous strength made it impossible for her to move.

Nanna glared at him, panting. With her heart pounding, Karl bit her lips. The motion of biting as if swallowing was rough and willful. Nanna squeezed her eyes shut, then lost consciousness in the arms that pulled her close.

“Madam?”

At the familiar voice, her eyes opened. Nanna, half-asleep, checked who it was. A plump face that still hadn’t lost its baby fat came into view. Nanna blinked her dry eyes and panted with difficulty.

“Are you feeling sick anywhere?”

“Milla?”

“Yes. It’s me. Should I call the doctor?”

“…No.”

“You seem to have a fever, though?”

She lifted her hand and touched her forehead. Nanna pushed away the girl’s hand that said she was covered in cold sweat and sat up. Milla asked if she was really all right. Nanna nodded. It was only that she’d had a bad dream. She couldn’t even remember it well anymore.

“It happens sometimes.”

“But still….”

Milla looked at her with a worried face. Nanna lifted her sleeve and wiped her forehead, then drank the water Milla handed her. Milla was a young maid Karl hired. When the gardener’s income improved, he found a maid to help Nanna.

As if housekeeping was anything. Since she wasn’t even raising a child, she wanted to say it was fine, but Nanna had times like this. So her health wasn’t good. She couldn’t know whether she was born frail like this, or whether her health had worsened because of something.

Still, if she overdid it, it showed like this…. Her considerate husband found her a maid for her sake. Nanna thought, Was it a problem that I cleaned the house by myself yesterday? So she thought there must be some reason she’d had a nightmare.

“The laundry outside was strewn all over, so I washed it again.”

“Good job.”

“There’s really nothing wrong, right?”

“Of course. Nothing’s wrong.”

“You had another bad dream?”

“Yeah. But I don’t remember it.”

“That’s a relief. It’s not good to remember nightmares for a long time.”

Milla said as she supported Nanna and helped her up. She said she’d set the table and led Nanna to the living room. Nanna sat down in front of the table and took a spoonful of stew. As Milla mopped the floor, she said the master had left the house for a while because of an invitation from Lord Randal.

Come to think of it, Karl said something like that last night. Nanna nodded. They said Karl was a fairly famous gardener. Famous enough to receive invitations from high-ranking people. That his skills were good. Thanks to that, she could live in such a good house and even have a maid.

Nanna ate a little at a time of the warm soup Milla made and looked out the window. The rain that fell at dawn had stopped quickly. Seeing the leaves still wet, it didn’t seem like it had been long since the rain stopped. Nanna got up and went out to the garden.

Even though thunder and lightning had raged at dawn, the sky was clear. Nanna made a shade with her hand and looked over the garden she and her husband had tended together. It wasn’t grand, but the simple, quaint garden had a rustic feel. All of a sudden, Milla, who was doing housework inside, shouted that the ground hadn’t dried yet, so she should come back.

Nanna simply replied, “Yeah,” and ignored her. Nanna wandered around the flowerbed for a while, then returned inside at Milla’s urging. Milla, who was checking on the kitchen, said she thought she’d have to go buy the ingredients needed for dinner.