Winter Bud - Chapter 77

“Madam.”

A familiar voice rang in her ear. Startled, Nanna turned toward the sound. Jerix was wearing formal attire as an imperial guard knight, just as usual. He looked impeccable and disciplined, without a flaw to pick at. Nanna looked up at him, her lips parting.

“Where were you trying to go?”

“Y-you looked busy, so….”

“Ah.”

Jerix looked apologetic, as if he’d recalled what had happened a moment ago. Nanna stared at him, then lowered her gaze as the Empress Dowager’s words came to mind. A “good match”…. Using that kind of phrase about a man made her feel like she might start giggling for no reason. Like she was some little girl.

“You’re beautiful.”

While she was fixing her expression with her gaze lowered, Jerix carefully parted his lips. Nanna lifted her eyes to look at him. It wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t even enough to call it praise, since it was such a ceremonial line, so it shouldn’t have made her feel good. Nanna had heard the same thing from her maid when she left her quarters a little while ago.

That the sky-blue satin suited her eyes very well. That the embroidery she’d done herself, and the lace adorning the sleeves, were also excellent…. Nanna didn’t get carried away. Maids always made those kinds of compliments out of habit.

“…Is that so.”

But Jerix’s compliment sounded new. In fact, it was the first time she’d heard something like that from a man. Neither the emperor nor the duke said such things to Nanna. Even if it was only empty words, it seemed like they might say it at least once, but they never once said she was beautiful, or alluring, not even in bed.

So this was the first time she’d heard words like that from a man. Nanna blushed innocently. She gave him a faint smile, glanced at him, and murmured very softly.

“Y-you look wonderful too.”

“Yes?”

Maybe her voice was too small to hear, because Jerix leaned toward Nanna. Nanna took half a step back and raised her voice a little.

“I-I said you look handsome.”

“Ah.”

“….”

“Thank you.”

Jerix smiled. Nanna felt her heart racing wildly and blinked quickly. Just then, a dance tune began. Jerix held out his hand.

“Can you dance?”

“Yes. I-I learned a little.”

“No. I’m not doubting your skill. I’m asking about your condition.”

“Ah, yes.”

Jerix shook his head. Nanna glanced down at her swollen belly and stiffened slightly. It felt strange. Someday she might become pregnant with Jerix’s child, but… anyway, right now, she was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his.

“If it’s uncomfortable for you….”

“N-no. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Nanna shook her head quickly. She wanted to dance with Jerix. Nanna looked up at the man who had drawn his hand back. She was worried she might look like a strange woman in his eyes. Like she was crazy over men. Worse, like she was greedily reaching for a young knight while carrying another man’s child, and that it would look filthy.

Wasn’t that the truth? Jerix had noble blood even if it was only half, but Nanna was only a farmer’s daughter. Even if she’d once become Empress Consort for various reasons, that wasn’t some special background. Rather, Jerix was a first marriage, and Nanna was a woman who’d already given birth to three children…. No matter how you looked at it, she wasn’t a good match for him.

Suddenly, the thought occurred to her that perhaps he was taking Nanna under his wing by imperial or empress dowager command. Then, her face flushed with embarrassment. Nanna looked away from the man, who was staring at her with a slight start, and muttered something.

“N-no, I was thinking wrong. I was going to step out to the balcony for a moment and….”

“No, madam. I want to dance with you too. If it won’t be rude….”

Jerix held his hand out again. Nanna, flustered and not knowing what to do with herself, stopped moving and looked up at him. Bright brown eyes were shining beautifully. Not knowing what to do with the corners of her mouth that were lifting, Nanna bit down on her lip. Her heart pounded.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Nanna looked at the courteous hand held out to her. A man in impeccable, disciplined attire held out his hand as if she were some grand lady. Nanna had a strange certainty that this hand would never grab her hair or roughly seize her breast.

If it was Jerix, wouldn’t he always be this gentle and considerate? Nanna carefully laid her hand over his. The kind hand applied gentle strength. Nanna liked that strength, as if it were pressing down on her a little. Like spring wind catching on her lips, a smile bloomed.

Soon the dance began, and Nanna spun round and round with Jerix. In truth, she couldn’t say she was good at dancing. Her quickness, her sense of rhythm, were both terrible. And it was burdensome to be pressed this close to a man and meet his gaze.

No matter how much Orestes and Sermione had dug into her and poured their lust into her at will, that was all it was. Nanna wasn’t used to a man’s touch.

“Don’t push yourself,” Jerix whispered softly.

With the bridge of her nose flushed red, Nanna lowered her gaze a little. She kept stepping on his feet. When she flinched from embarrassment, she missed the beat even more. Nanna bit her lip in apology. Her swollen belly brushed lightly against the man’s firm abdomen. Her heart raced so fast it felt like it might flip over.

“Shall we go rest for a moment?” Jerix asked.

When the music, which had been quite long, ended, beads of sweat formed on Nanna’s forehead. Nanna stared at him, then nodded. Jerix guided her to the balcony. Nanna tottered slightly as she held his hand and left the ballroom.

***

“They look pretty well-suited, don’t they?”

Thea, dressed fashionably in a red satin dress, lifted her glass and asked. From the moment he entered the ballroom, Orestes’s gaze was stuck on Nanna. Thea curled her lips into a smirk. Now she didn’t even feel like her blood was cooling. What should she call it? At least now, what Orestes felt, at least that vague feeling he’d had toward her, had become clear.

It was hard to explain, but at least to her husband, she could never become the same kind of existence as Nanna. He said it wasn’t “love,” and as he said, maybe it was only lust or obsession, something whose form was even unclear….

Even so, Thea didn’t want Nanna by Orestes’s side. Whatever name that feeling had, it didn’t matter anymore.

She wanted to tear her away from Orestes no matter what. After that, she thought she’d be able not to care wherever Nanna latched onto.

So what if she became her father’s mistress, and what if she became the wife of an illegitimate son with unclear roots?

It seemed like it would be fine as long as Orestes ended up in a state where he couldn’t take anything from Nanna. At least that much, she couldn’t yield. So she wanted to use it as punishment for her past love.

“Don’t you think so?”

Thea let out a bright smile as she looked back at the man who had stiffened sharply. Orestes was on the verge of twisting up. It was the first time she’d seen a face with restraint worn down this far. That was interesting, and at the same time, one corner of her chest turned cold.

That is, Orestes’s “jealousy.” It was dizzyingly fun to watch a heart the same size as hers, completely hardened by anger, be filled vividly with jealousy. Thea turned her gaze and looked at the man and woman leaving for the balcony.

She remembered what the Empress Dowager had said not long ago.

“The Duke of Everhardt won’t do.”

“….”

“By any name, ever…. That kind of thing mustn’t happen.”

The Empress Dowager looked straight at Thea. It didn’t seem like she was saying that out of simple sympathy or pity. She even saw through what Thea was thinking. Thea lowered her gaze.

As she lifted her glass, Orestes rose from his seat. Thea tightened her grip on the glass. The place his steps were heading was the balcony where Nanna and the knight had disappeared.

The evening breeze that brushed past her earlobes was quite brisk. Nanna shivered a little from the cold, but still smiled at the refreshing sensation. Seeing her trembling faintly, Jerix took off his red cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders. Nanna looked up at him, a little startled.

He was kind and gentle. That made Nanna think of Thea and Orestes. She also thought of the way Sermione would sometimes escort noble ladies. How politely they treated a lady…. It wasn’t a side they showed when they stripped Nanna bare without restraint.