A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 58

After a moment of silence from the woman, he felt the need to add something further. There was no particular reason, only that his words seemed to have unintentionally startled her.

“…At least for one year.”

“….”

When she had been in the capital residence, she had heard from Lise and Marien. The Nielsen household was strict and exacting, yet the reason everyone still wanted to work there was because of its master, Matthias.

He was not harsh toward his servants. Unless there was theft or poor conduct, he would provide good letters of recommendation when needed, and he granted gifts of celebration or condolence for marriages and funerals.

He never laid a hand on the maids carelessly—though Eleanor had been surprised to learn that some entered the household hoping for such things—and he never picked fights with the footmen out of boredom or to vent his temper.

As long as one fulfilled one’s duties properly in one’s place, he exercised the mercy and sense of responsibility befitting a master toward those under his authority.

So Eleanor thought she must also fall within that range of responsibility. That it was the man’s duty and obligation to keep the promised year.

“I will uphold the promised year. …On my own terms. So….”

Matthias turned his body and lay facing Eleanor. Between the loosened buttons of his shirt, his smooth, firm body was visible.

The fresh scent of someone newly washed brushed against her senses. With his thick, fine blond hair falling loosely over his forehead, he whispered, “You should also try living as you please for a year.”

“…Anything?”

“Yes, anything. Try putting in ten cubes of sugar, or even a hundred. You can wear the same dress for three days straight if you want.”

“That would be too messy.”

“You can replace all three meals with caramel pie if you like. Ah… though you should still eat other food as well so your health doesn’t suffer.”

She imagined the sticky, clinging caramel pie. No matter how much she liked sweets, if she only ate that… would she come to dislike it?

“Do what you want to eat, what you want to do, whatever you feel like. But….”

“….”

“If, at any moment, your mind tries to do something you don’t want, something beyond your control….”

Their eyes met seriously.

“Tell me first. The moment you feel it. Can you do that?”

“…Why are you being kind to me?”

“Have I been kind?”

Eleanor had learned early on that the world was divided between those who lacked nothing and those who lacked everything.

To get an extra piece of bread, a slice of cheese, or a glass of juice, she and Del had always needed to plead with the maids and watch their reactions carefully.

Did Matthias want something from her? Probably not. He was someone who lacked nothing when it came to Eleanor. He had everything.

Only those who lack something treat others well. Del had said that too.

“Is there… something you want from me?”

Matthias slowly blinked and did not take his eyes off the woman for as long as possible. It wasn’t that he was sleepy. He simply wanted to. He wanted to dive into those deep eyes of hers and plunge into that abyss.

“You said you would make me happy.”

“….”

“It’s the first time anyone has said that to me, so I’m curious.”

She had said something like that. Since she had decided for herself to be happy while they were together, she had wanted to share that happiness she felt with Matthias as well.

But now she had lost her confidence.

“Besides, don’t you already know one of my secrets?”

“….”

“You’re the only one who knows why I don’t eat pork.”

The first time he accidentally witnessed an animal being slaughtered, he was only a child. Even then, he didn’t cry in front of others. Because he was a Nielsen.

“Even after that, it appeared in my dreams quite often.”

“…That must have been frightening.”

“Very.”

“What if I told someone about that?”

Matthias furrowed his brow as if troubled. Then, as if a solution had come to him, he continued, “Then let’s do this. We’ll create one secret that we share together.”

“…What kind of secret?”

He pulled another pillow closer and moved nearer to her face. The man who had come close whispered without breaking eye contact.

“My first kiss was with you.”

“…What?!”

Two large green eyes shook wildly. The sudden mention of a kiss made her heart race, but she was even more shocked that she had been his first kiss.

With that face and body, every woman in the capital was desperate to approach him. And besides, he….

“Didn’t you have a fiancée?”

“Daphne and I… were more like distant siblings who kept our distance.”

He had enjoyed a few light relationships in passing, but they had merely been for release, nothing emotional. He had never once felt the urge to kiss anyone. Now, he could not even remember those relationships clearly.

So he could say this shamelessly, yet honestly.

“You were my first kiss. …And you? I’m not the first, am I?”

Though he asked it half jokingly, Matthias found himself genuinely curious. He even recalled the story Eleanor had once told about a childhood friend.

“I, I… of course, it was my first too….”

“….”

“Everything I’ve done with you… is all a first for me….”

Was he this conservative of a man? In the decadent and corrupt noble society of Römern, where even on the first night it was common to pretend to be inexperienced regardless of the truth, he had mocked such outdated hypocrisy countless times.

But at this moment, hearing the woman say that everything with him was her first made his chest itch unbearably with a strange, pleasant feeling.

“Then now, it seems we both share a secret.”

“….”

“We each hold one another’s first.”

Our firsts, our secret. Something only we know.

“So let’s sleep at ease. Wherever we go, we won’t be able to speak of each other’s secrets anyway.”

I won’t tell anyone about you, no matter what you say.

That’s how it sounded to Eleanor.

She slowly closed her eyes. Drowsiness came over her gradually. In that unfamiliar place, amid unfamiliar scents, the familiar scent of the man reached her.

Soon, a long arm stretched out and wrapped around her back. In that warm, comforting embrace, Eleanor fell asleep without dreams for the first time since that night.

***

Compared to the capital, Belgar, things might have been a little more relaxed, but a noble society certainly existed in Gammelstad as well. They were very curious about the mistress of the estate they were to serve, and as soon as news spread that Eleanor had arrived, requests to meet her came flooding in.

Since it was a place where countless new things and people came and went every day, it was already known here what kind of past Eleanor carried.

However, unlike the nobles in the capital, there was one key difference. In Belgar, Eleanor had been one among many high-ranking duchesses, but here, she was the only wife of the lord they served.

Naturally, there was a difference between dealing with a rumored noble lady and treating the wife of the head of their family and the owner of their land.

Above all, they had great faith in Matthias. The prevailing thought was that their lord would have chosen wisely. As a result, people’s interest in Eleanor leaned more toward pure curiosity than malice.

Even so, Matthias rejected all formal audiences and invitations for the time being. His reason was that the journey to Gammelstad had been quite taxing for his physically weak wife, and she needed rest for a while.

The nobles of Gammelstad all readily accepted this. At the same time, they whispered among themselves that if even their lord, who had once been as cold and unmoving as a statue, had been softened, then Cupid’s arrow must be capable of piercing even a heart of marble.

In any case, apart from the household staff of Solvikviche, no one knew how Eleanor spent her days.

No one would have imagined that a high-ranking lady would go out into the city in such simple attire in broad daylight.

“Um, excuse me….”

Eleanor lifted her parasol and looked at the person who had spoken to her. The moment their eyes met, the young man’s face flushed bright red.

As Eleanor simply looked at him, as if asking what he wanted, the flustered young man quickly removed his hat, pressed it to his chest, and introduced himself.

“Ah, I’ve been rude. I’m Edric Aulbrick, a cadet under the Naval Governor.”

“I see….”

It was midday in Gammelstad’s shopping district. She had been standing in front of a flower shop, gazing at the colorful display.

As she hesitated over how to introduce herself here in Gammelstad, the man named Edric continued speaking.

“I’m sorry if I startled you. I’m not a suspicious man at all….”

Edric awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, clearly embarrassed.

He looked to be about Eleanor’s age. His claim of being a cadet did not seem false, as he wore a naval uniform, and though youthful, he carried himself neatly and properly.

Eleanor quietly waited for him to continue. The young man, still blushing deeply, seemed to finally recall his purpose and spoke.

“If it’s alright with you, may I… give you a flower?”