A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 29

With his arms crossed and leaning crookedly against the doorway, the man somehow looked displeased.

When their eyes met, Matthias walked over at a leisurely pace and stopped beside the desk where Eleanor was sitting.

While Eleanor hurriedly hid the hand holding the letter beneath the desk, Matthias picked up the book she had left open at a random page and checked the title.

“『Threads of the Blessed Hand』….”

Murmuring the title low, he even read the subtitle written below it, ‘A Traditional Guide to Monastic Sewing.’ With a very serious expression, he scanned the contents of the open page, then spoke as if he had discovered something remarkable.

“It says that when doing hemming stitches, keeping the needle at a 45-degree angle helps maintain even spacing.”

“….”

“As expected, it’s something my wife would be deeply absorbed in. Since you’re reading such urgent and important material.”

“…Embroidery is one of the virtues of a noble lady.”

“As expected of Belgar’s model answer.”

Even Eleanor, who didn’t know much, could tell the man was being sarcastic. She gently took the book from his large hand and placed it neatly to one side of the desk.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come out to greet you on your way back. …I had something important I needed to embroider….”

“Embroidery important enough to skip dinner. It must hold great meaning.”

Eleanor tilted her head and looked up at him.

In her childhood, the number of people she could meet was limited, but she had been quick to read situations. Count Brynhill had described her and ‘Del’ as rats scurrying around the attic, but in any case, Eleanor’s childhood had given her a keen sense for reading the atmosphere.

So she had already realized that the man she was looking up at now was not in a good mood.

“Did it upset you that I declined dinner?”

“Of course not. I simply came to see what kind of book could be so interesting. …You seem quite interested in monastic sewing.”

“I might have to go there in a year.”

Eleanor had drawn her future that way.

When the ‘adventure’ ended, she would go to a monastery and spend the rest of her life atoning, even for Del’s share.

She would no longer desire or covet anything, and would spend the rest of her life praying for someone else.

But she knew there was no need to say such things in front of the man. Not that he would care, but it somehow felt like words that would burden him.

She quickly added another line, “Of course, that’s only if I don’t have any suitors. Though that’s unlikely.”

At the mention of going to a monastery, Matthias’s heart had slowed for a brief moment in surprise, only to tighten sharply at her next words.

The image of the woman who never forgot the one-year limit even for a moment, along with the notebook inside that drawer where a few more tally marks had probably been added, flashed through his mind, and his mood soured instantly.

In Matthias Nielsen’s twenty-eight years of life, there had been many women willing to throw themselves into that span of time.

But those attempts were nothing but a nuisance to him, and it was for that reason he had developed the habit of never carelessly giving even a glance or a gesture.

So that no one he had not permitted would dare dream of his time, so that no one would cling to him.

So the woman’s attitude of speaking about a year later as if it were a given should have been admirable and welcome. That had been their agreement from the start.

And yet, why did it feel like his mood had rolled through the mud?

Unaware of what the man was thinking, the woman chattered on with peach-colored lips.

“I heard from the trainee maids that I have a face gentlemen would like.”

“You even talk about such things with trainee maids?”

“…I just happened to overhear it.”

Matthias might not know it, but Eleanor’s position in the Nielsen household was rather ambiguous.

In any case, she bore the Nielsen name and was the mistress, so everyone showed proper manners and attended to her dutifully, but it was all very businesslike.

There was none of the familiarity that personal maids would normally show the lady of a household. They were wary of her and kept their distance.

Because of that, Eleanor often wandered the estate alone and occasionally spoke only with the naive girls who had just become trainee maids.

It was from those girls that she heard for the first time in her life that she was pretty. Of course, since she had no intention of remarrying, she didn’t put much meaning into it.

Not wanting to appear as if she held any lingering attachment toward him, Eleanor repeated what she heard without filtering it. The simmering mood of the man standing beside her was beyond her awareness.

“So… what they meant is that remarrying wouldn’t be difficult….”

“That man would be very fortunate. Why not ask the trainee maids to find you a remarriage partner while you’re at it?”

What kind of nasty joke is that? Thinking so, Eleanor didn’t want to linger on a conversation about remarriage that hadn’t even been part of her plans. She opened her mouth to wrap it up quickly.

“Anyway, as for dinner, it’s partly because of the book, but I’m just not in the mood today. You’ve returned after a while, so I hope you have a warm meal and get some good rest.”

“….”

She stretched it out, but the gist was, eat on your own and go to sleep.

Matthias quietly looked down at the crown of the woman’s head as she flipped open her book again as if she were finished speaking. In that instant, an indescribably complicated emotion rose in him.

He didn’t even know why he had come all the way here in the first place. When the butler delivered the message, before he could even register his own action, his steps had already brought him here.

As the woman said, the matter was finished. As usual, he could just turn around and leave.

After eating the dinner prepared by the head chef for the first time in a while and sleeping soundly in a bedroom perfectly tailored to his exacting tastes, it would be a perfect end to the day. Even knowing that, he was still standing here.

Why, exactly?

“Is there something else you need?”

“Are you doing this because I didn’t take your side?”

“…What?”

For the first time in his life, Matthias wanted to cover his own mouth. Even though he barely held back from doing something so rash, his lips continued on against his will.

“I’m asking if you’re staging a protest right now. Skipping dinner like a child, ha. It’s pathetic to even put into words.”

“…It’s not like that.”

“Who is the one who committed the wrongdoing in the first place? A proper noble lady doesn’t dump food over someone just because she’s angry. Do you still think that wasn’t even a little bit wrong?”

“…Of course I think it was excessive—”

“Even young ladies who have just finished learning basic etiquette wouldn’t behave like that. I wonder what age your thinking is stuck at. Ah, is that why you get along with trainee maids?”

“….”

“You’re only eight years younger than me, yet the difference in mental maturity is this great.”

At the low mutter that followed, spoken as if for her to hear, Eleanor’s anger bubbled up like milk left under the blazing sun.

No. I decided I’d be happy for 365 days.

Eleanor tried to recall Dr. Milton’s letter. Breathe in, breathe out…. Think of something you like, something very cute. The tail of the squirrel that lived inside the oak tree….

“Let me be clear, that kind of method won’t work on me. If you had simply come to dinner and asked to talk, I would have willingly responded. Not this childish, petty protest.”

“It was you who avoided the conversation, Your Grace.”

“Me?”

“You deliberately didn’t come home.”

“That’s absurd. I’m a busy man, in case you weren’t aware.”

“I clearly said we should resolve it in a way fitting for a married couple. You’re the one who didn’t give me that chance. Whether it was intentional or not.”

“If you wanted to resolve it in such a mature way, shouldn’t you have come to dinner?”

His drawn-out tone, as if deliberately provoking her, made Eleanor’s anger erupt like lava bursting from a crater.

Breathe in, breathe out, the squirrel… forget that, it burst out with a bang.

“Yes, I should have. I’m sorry. Honestly, I didn’t want to see you.”

“What?”

The woman shut her eyes tightly as if choosing her words, yet unable to stop herself, then opened her mouth.

“Your face, for some reason… I didn’t want to see it.”

“…What?”

Hearing those words for the first time in his life, it felt as if someone had struck his head. Even his usual rational thinking didn’t work properly.

“I should have acted more maturely. Still, you’ll understand, won’t you? You’re eight years older than me, after all.”

“….”

“Right now, I don’t feel comfortable being together. This is my space, but I’ll leave. Have a good night.”

Eleanor pushed her chair back and stood, bending her knees slightly in an exaggerated show of courtesy.

As the woman turned sharply, her dress swaying, and disappeared beyond the door, Matthias remained rooted in place, feeling as if he’d been struck from behind.

For the first time, he had asked something of a lady and been refused.

For the first time, a woman had left before him.

For the first time, he met a woman who said she couldn’t even bear to look at him.

All of it was unfamiliar to him.