Winter Bud - Chapter 89

The maid who brought him water fumbled with a flustered face, then opened her mouth.

“Your name is Jerix Rotusi.”

After learning his name, he immediately asked the maid where this was, why he was here, and what kind of person he was, but the maid looked at him with a slightly frightened face and disappeared after only leaving behind, ‘I, I think you should ask the madam.’

Did another day pass like that? Men in neat uniforms came to find him. They were people from the imperial palace. The man standing at the very front said he was the emperor’s chief attendant. He said his title was viscount, and that he was called Viscount Demerne. He swept his gaze over Jerix from head to toe, then moved his thin lips beneath his tidy mustache.

“It’s been a while, sir.”

“Do you know me?”

“How could I not?”

“Then….”

“Do you remember anything?”

He asked point-blank. Jerix stared blankly at the somewhat overbearing man, then shook his head. The man nodded and pointed his chin toward the carriage. When Jerix slightly furrowed his brows, the man spoke again.

“If you want to find your memories, get in the carriage.”

“Is that carriage going to the imperial palace?”

“It is.”

The viscount nodded. Jerix wanted to ask who he was going to meet. But even if he asked that, it seemed like he wouldn’t get the answer he wanted. Jerix obediently got into the carriage. And….

Footsteps sounded beyond the closed door. Jerix, who had been looking down at the light-colored carpet with a dizzying pattern, lifted his head. The tightly shut door slowly opened. What appeared before him was a small woman.

“Jerix?”

It was a clear voice. He looked at the woman with a shawl draped over her arm. She wore a clean chemise dress. Her hair had lost its strength, but it was abundant silver hair, and her features set in her small face were delicate and beautiful.

But more than anything, what left an impression were her innocent eyes. He looked at the sky-blue eyes beneath long eyelashes that carried gloom. The woman was stiff as if she might cry, yet she didn’t cry.

“…Do you know me?”

“Ah.”

The woman who had been looking up at him lowered her gaze. Her cheeks, tinted pink, trembled slightly. Jerix thought those cheeks were lovely. The woman who fumbled for words clenched both hands tightly, then lifted her head again.

“I guess you can’t remember me.”

“….”

“That can happen. But you’ll soon regain your memories.”

The woman smiled faintly. It seemed like she forced a smile while holding back distortion. He didn’t know how he should respond. Suddenly, a featherlike hand pulled his hand in and gripped it tight.

The woman, lowering her head, whispered, “You will, you will for sure. I…. I can wait.”

As if praying, Nanna drew his two hands to her chest. Tears ran down her cheeks. Jerix would remember her someday. Even if Orestes carved out all his memories of her. Even if it was some kind of vicious alchemy. It didn’t matter. Jerix loved Nanna. And Nanna loved him too, so she could wait.

“I’m Nanna. Nanna Petunie. That’s my name. Don’t forget it anymore. Okay?”

Nanna lifted her head. A blank face stared at her, distant. Nanna panted, her face twisted. Then her gaze landed on his hand she was clutching as if praying.

***

“Roana Mormotier.”

A dry, low voice rang through the audience chamber. Roana Mormotier stared at the man planted there like a gravestone in the deep night air. Unlike the daytime, he wore a simple shirt and pants that showed a bit of his rock-like chest.

His neatly kept black hair was disheveled, and his amber eyes that used to gleam like a bird of prey’s were sunk deep. Soon, the order to rise rang in her ears. She, who had been prostrating herself, stood up straight.

“There’s something I need you to finish.”

“Give the order.”

“Take that man to bed.”

It was a flat voice. Roana wasn’t particularly surprised. It wasn’t an imperial command that was difficult to carry out. That man was so deeply trapped in her alchemy that he’d even forgotten his own name. He probably wouldn’t be able to wake up.

There were times when someone regained their memories after the alchemy faded, even after more than ten years, but even that was very rare. Besides, Roana was an alchemist belonging to the imperial family. She was highly skilled, and an authority in the related field.

So he wouldn’t be able to regain his memories. Roana thought of the man with calm brown eyes, then lowered her gaze. She parted her full lips.

“I will carry out the order.”

***

Nanna was groping through a dream. It was a reservoir thick with water mist. Nanna gently felt her swollen belly and looked at the reservoir. The water didn’t surge violently. The quiet, gentle current made her think it looked like a lump of black oil.

From far away, Nanna spotted a man coming on a small boat. It was a dawn before daybreak, so she timidly looked around and hunched her shoulders. Fortunately, the outline revealed through the water mist was someone she was very glad to see.

Nanna smiled brightly and opened her mouth.

‘Jerix!’

Nanna called him. The man who stood up in the boat and came toward Nanna was dressed very comfortably, just like the last time she saw him. Even so, he looked like he might suddenly leave for somewhere. He didn’t have a single piece of luggage, so he looked like someone for whom leaving wasn’t very difficult.

Nanna, who had been bathed in joy, quickly soaked in anxiety and looked up at him. The man cupped Nanna’s pale cheeks and pressed his lips to her forehead. Nanna gently closed her eyes and accepted that soft kiss. She felt a ticklishness that the word tender couldn’t fully express, but for some reason, she felt like she might cry.

Nanna opened her eyes as she felt his lips pull away.

‘Jerix?’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What….’

‘I think I have to leave you here, Nanna.’

‘W-where?’

Nanna looked at him, flustered. His face, drenched in shadow, was pale. Nanna grabbed the man with both hands. Eyes soaked in sorrow looked at her. She couldn’t tell where he was going. She tried to say, Is it far, I want to go too, I can go, but her throat clogged.

‘Take me, take me with you too.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Why? Because I’m carrying a baby?’

Nanna asked, clutching her belly. Jerix didn’t answer. He only shook his head with a heavy face. Nanna twisted her lips and bit down, glaring at him. She said it didn’t matter even if she was carrying a baby. That wasn’t what was important. Nanna also said that after she gave birth, once she recovered enough, they would have intercourse.

If that was fine, she wanted to have a child that belonged only to the two of them. Nanna desperately wanted to have Jerix’s child. Because a baby was something that connected two people. For the first time, that fact felt romantic. A child carrying both their blood… an irreversible result. The solid proof that existed between them. She liked it so much.

That was why Nanna wanted to give birth as soon as possible. This child, though not quite like Slan or Stella, was still dear and precious to her. But when Jerix said that, the baby in her womb felt like a burden.

So much so that she wanted to cut herself open and take it out right then and there. Wrap it tightly in swaddling cloth and hand it over to Orestes and Stateira. And then, she would take Jerix’s hand and leave everything behind. But….

‘…I’m sorry. Nanna.’

‘Jerix!’

Jerix began to move away from Nanna’s side. Nanna wanted to grab him, but her feet wouldn’t move. Her arms were the same. Nanna watched the man walk back toward the small boat. If she lost him like this, she felt like she would never be able to get him back.

Anxiety and fear rushed at her. Tears ran down both cheeks, and anger and sorrow. Despair surged together with grief and swallowed her whole. Nanna beat her belly hard with both hands. She didn’t care what happened to the baby.

She wished she would just die like this. That the baby would die and she would die too. Such horrific thoughts swirled.

‘No! I don’t want this!’

Nanna shouted as if screaming. It was around then that she woke up from the dream.