I Need the True Ending to Graduate - Chapter 108

When I arrived at the practice grounds, it was packed with people about to graduate.

They looked tense as if nervous ahead of the demonstration, their expressions stiff, but at the same time, they were strangely excited.

It was the moment they put a period on the long journey of four years, and it was also a place where they would actually present, in front of many people including professors, the magic they’d diligently devised while attending the academy. It was only natural to be nervous and excited.

Among everyone here, only I was feeling heavy about this last hurdle for graduation, about closing out one phase of my life.

‘So this is goodbye to here, too.’

It felt like I’d come on a short trip to a place I’d never be able to return to, and now I was leaving.

Even though I already steeled my heart, Evan’s face from a moment ago, when he grabbed onto me, kept lingering in my head, making my chest churn.

‘I thought I’d be okay, but parting is harder than I expected.’

Even so, I already chose an ending, and I couldn’t take that choice back.

No matter how heavy my heart felt, I had to go back to where my real graduation thesis was. That was entirely my choice, and the farewell was something I had to bear.

While I was quietly collecting my emotions alone in the crowd, a voice calling for me came from somewhere.

“Lucy!”

At a voice that belonged to someone who shouldn’t be here, I startled and quickly lifted my head, looking around.

Then, as if he knew the graduation demonstration schedule somehow, Ruad came running toward me. And his steps stopped right in front of me.

“Ruad…. How in the world are you here….”

I was so shocked by Ruad’s sudden appearance that I couldn’t even finish my sentence, but he spoke as if it was nothing.

“To be honest, I worried a lot about whether I should come, but I figured it’d be better to come anyway, so I came.”

Before I could even demand how he knew and came when I never told him the schedule, Ruad beat me to it.

He smiled brightly, his eyes curving so I couldn’t say anything, then suddenly held something out to me.

“Here, take this.”

What Ruad handed me was none other than a single flower that looked like he’d just cut it. A bright yellow rose, overflowing with vitality like it had just bloomed.

“Congratulations on your graduation, Lucy.”

“Ah, thanks….”

At his congratulations, I took the rose without thinking.

Even though it was the season when winter was drawing near, a fresh rose scent was strongly wafting from the yellow rose.

“A rose in this season, that’s amazing.”

“It’s pretty, right? I grew it in a greenhouse with magic. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. It smells good and it’s pretty. I like it.”

Instead of pressing Ruad about picking a flower to congratulate my graduation, I accepted his gift happily.

Because I didn’t want to end my last moments with him with a flushed face.

Seeing my reaction, Ruad’s expression brightened even more, and he chattered excitedly.

“To be honest, I wanted to give you a fancy bouquet, but if you’re holding a bouquet at a magic demonstration, it’ll probably just get in the way, so I brought only one flower. At the actual graduation ceremony, I’ll bring something fancy.”

“Ah. You don’t have to….”

“How could I not? It’s not just anything, Lucy, it’s your graduation ceremony.”

Ruad said that with a kind look toward me.

Just like always, he acted like Lucia’s best friend, her only friend.

As if there had never been a moment when he looked like he might cry when he chose to remain my friend forever rather than obtain my love, he was natural.

An awkward silence lingered between Ruad and me for a moment.

I knew what Ruad wanted to say to me, and Ruad was hesitating to throw out the question. Because he didn’t know what kind of answer would come back from the tip of my tongue.

While other people’s voices and peaceful laughter filled the gap between Ruad and me, Ruad carefully opened his mouth.

“About the proposal I made back then, have you thought about it?”

“…Yeah,” I answered briefly.

Ruad’s red eyes seemed to measure my expression for an instant, then he gave up and asked, “And have you made up your mind, too?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then can you tell me now?”

At that moment, I quietly closed my mouth. Then I slowly chose my words. Because Ruad couldn’t be allowed to know what choice I made.

I answered while being careful not to let any emotion show on my face, “Not now. Later. I’ll tell you later.”

“….”

Then I smiled so he couldn’t ask further.

As expected, Ruad looked at me with a face a little at a loss. It was also a look that said, how much longer do you want me to wait.

But no matter how he looked at me, I couldn’t tell him the truth, so I revealed one secret I’d been trying to hide until the end.

“Actually, I sent you a letter.”

“A letter…? When I came out, there wasn’t any letter.”

“I asked a servant. To send it this afternoon. It’ll probably have arrived by the time the demonstration ends. Later, when you go back to the dormitory, read it.”

Ruad, rarely, frowned slightly as if dissatisfied and asked, “Can’t you just tell me directly right now?”

“You can’t. It’s something I really want you to see later.”

When I shook my head and refused firmly, Ruad showed that he was hurt and shut his mouth sullenly. Then after a while, he asked,

“…Is it maybe because it’s hard for you to say it to me directly that you sent it as a letter?”

“….”

When I didn’t answer, his expression immediately darkened.

I thought he would decide that I’d rejected that day’s proposal and get angry at me, but my expectation missed.

“I respect whatever choice you make, Lucy. It doesn’t matter at all even if you reject my proposal. Even if you… chose Evan Bell instead of me.”

“….”

“I’m fine. So can’t you tell me? If you really can’t, then at least tell me what you’ll do after you graduate.”

“…I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”

Even knowing how my words would sound to him, I had no choice but to say that.

Resignation that he couldn’t do anything about settled on Ruad’s face.

With the atmosphere that had grown heavy in an instant, I deliberately spoke in a lively tone, “Still, thank you for coming today. And thank you for the rose, too.”

“….”

“And Ruad.”

At my call, he immediately met my eyes. The vivid red eyes looking at me shone with a certain kind of expectation.

“Thank you for being my one and only friend all this time. And now, I don’t doubt that you like me, and that it’s sincere.”

“…Lucy.”

“Thank you for liking me. For believing in my talent, too. Everything, all of it.”

At my goodbye, Ruad, who had been staring blankly at my face with sunken eyes, was just about to open his mouth to say something.

The surroundings seemed to grow noisy, and then the voices I’d been hearing vanished as if they’d been washed away.

When I turned my head and looked around, the professors in charge of judging this demonstration were entering the practice grounds.

They appeared at a timing that was suitable for wrapping up the conversation.

“I think we’ll have to stop here. You should go in now, Ruad.”

As I was about to send Ruad off like that, he suddenly grabbed my hand.

“Ruad…?”

I tried to pull my hand out of his grip with force, but Ruad didn’t budge at all. Instead, he even tightened his grip, as if he wouldn’t let me go.

Flustered, I said, “Ruad, the demonstration is starting soon….”

“Lucy, are you going to leave me?”

Rarely, Ruad cut me off and asked.

When I looked up, his face was shadowed with deep anxiety, just like Evan’s.

“Why are you suddenly saying something like that? Sending a letter when you’ve never sent one even once, too. You look like someone who’s leaving for some faraway place I don’t know. Or like someone who’s going to die soon….”

“….”

“What’s wrong, Lucy? Did something happen? While you were writing the thesis, did something happen that I didn’t know about?”

With a face twisted in anguish, Ruad pressed me. The bright red eyes looking at me were chasing traces of wounds that might still be left on me.

I soothed him calmly, “It’s not like that. Nothing happened.”

“Then what about the letter, and what you just said? Why are you suddenly doing things you’ve never done before?”

“…It’s because graduation is coming up, and it feels new to me. So I tried doing things I don’t usually do.”

“….”

“Is this… not good?”

Even I thought it was such a pathetic excuse, but Ruad couldn’t say anything.

Even though it looked like the words he wanted to say were rising to his throat, and he moved his lips several times, he ultimately closed his mouth.

Instead, he said, “…After the demonstration ends, come to me. There’s something I want to give you. I’ll be waiting until then.”

“All right. As soon as it ends, I’ll come to you.”

Only then did the strength slip out of Ruad’s hand holding me, and he let me go.

Ruad’s grip remained in my hand like an afterimage.

Even though he got a promise out of me, it seemed his feet still wouldn’t move easily, and he kept stopping and turning back to look at me over and over.

I quietly waved my hand at Ruad like that. With a calm smile on my lips, and with the single rose he’d given me held in my arms.

After seeing me smiling in the same spot several times, Ruad finally felt reassured, turned around, and moved away from me.

I let the smile fall away and silently watched his back as it grew smaller.

How many times was I deceiving someone with promises I couldn’t keep and fleeting lies?

‘I hope you won’t be too sad that I left.’

You, and me, too.

I murmured a farewell that no one could hear.

“Thank you for everything, Ruad.”

And I pinned the yellow rose to my jacket over my chest.