I Need the True Ending to Graduate - Chapter 101

Jeran ran through the night, panting breathlessly. He had no idea where he was going. He just ran and ran, wherever his feet took him.

As if trying to erase the image of Lucia Even clinging to his mind.

But no matter how much he ran, no matter how hard he ran until his lungs felt like they would burst, Lucia’s tear-stained face would not fade.

Instead, it remained even more vividly etched into his mind, unfolding so clearly that it felt as if she were actually right before his eyes.

In the end, Jeran couldn’t suppress the nausea rising up and hurriedly crumpled himself between the walls of a building, vomiting everything he had eaten.

The tea he’d drunk while reading research papers and the remnants of sweet cake that hadn’t yet been digested spilled onto the ground.

After emptying his stomach to some extent, Jeran wiped his mouth, dirtied with saliva and sour gastric fluid, with a handkerchief.

There was nothing left to come up, yet strangely, his stomach still felt unsettled. Something was tightly knotted deep in his chest, like a lump, and it showed no sign of coming out.

Jeran gave up on completely emptying his stomach, slumped down on the spot, closed his eyes, and slowly steadied his breathing.

He repeatedly inhaled deeply and exhaled. He tried not to think of anything, focusing only on his lungs swelling and contracting with each breath and the cold night air rushing in.

“….”

After a long while like that, his stomach finally calmed down.

His body, struck by the cold night air, was trembling like an aspen tree, but even so, his mind was relatively clear.

As his head cleared, the ugly emotions that had been obscured by nausea slowly crept up. And all of those ugly emotions were directed at Jeran himself.

Even though he had seen with his own eyes what was happening in Karl Evenhart’s laboratory, he had run away instead of saving Lucia Even.

The moment he saw Lucia Even, he’d felt it. Yet he’d taken lightly the shadow of misfortune cast over her face.

Not knowing anything about her unbearable situation, he’d thought it a pity that such a pretty face, one that would look beautiful when smiling, was being wasted.

He found himself utterly repulsive.

But what was most repulsive of all was the hypocritical version of himself who, despite clearly knowing the environment Lucia Even was trapped in, couldn’t readily muster the courage to extend a hand to her.

Jeran was not ignorant of what life was like for commoners attending the academy. Even if he didn’t know exactly what happened, he knew enough to understand that it was not good.

However, he had never once thought deeply about the position or treatment of commoners.

Because there had been no one around Jeran who exploited commoners.

He was surrounded by good people, good teachers, good adults, and a good environment.

Even those who were not close to him watched their words and actions in his presence.

They seemed to snicker over commoner students, but when he appeared, they immediately held their tongues, so he could only vaguely guess that they had been exchanging nasty remarks.

But Jeran stopped there. He simply erased their unpleasant snickering from his memory.

It had nothing to do with him, and since they were not close to him, he didn’t want to meddle unnecessarily.

He thought that no matter what others did, it was enough for him to remain clean and upright. After all, he had never directly persecuted or harassed commoners.

Thus, living within the comfortable and cozy illusion he had created for himself, Jeran believed that he was good, moral, honest, and righteous. Truly, it was absurd.

‘I thought I knew everything, when in truth, I knew nothing at all.’

And yet, to fall into the pathetic delusion that he was the most suitable mentor for her and become arrogant over it.

Remembering his past self, filled with baseless certainty and confidence, Jeran let out a hollow laugh in disbelief.

“Ha…. Ha, ha….”

That empty laughter echoed vainly in the darkness before quickly fading away.

What made it even more ridiculous was the fact that even though he knew he was not as good a person as he thought, he still couldn’t accept it and was crouched on the ground, suffering.

Lucia Even was being unjustly treated by Karl Evenhart, and it was obvious to anyone that such abuse was wrong.

Even so, Jeran couldn’t find the courage to help her.

Not all professors involved in academia would be like him. Still, most professors probably were.

And the fact that it never surfaced meant there was an unspoken agreement formed among the professors.

A horrific unspoken rule that it did not matter how commoners were exploited or abused.

The moment he tried to break that rule, he would become their common enemy.

He would be branded a traitor, and compared to the ridicule he received for not taking on disciples, an invisible condemnation far worse would follow him.

The ending was as clear as day.

‘Being a professor is a lifetime position, so unless I quit myself, I’d keep it. But it’d become difficult to properly establish myself in academia. Other professors also hold lifetime positions, so the harassment would continue for life.’

Of course, there were people who would reach out a hand to someone like Jeran. After all, the people around him were relatively moral.

But he lacked the courage to endure all the backlash. He had even less courage to take responsibility for Lucia Even’s entire life.

Even now, Lucia’s dry eyes were vivid before him. In those parched eyes were tears trembling as if they might drop at any moment, still painfully clear.

And yet, he was this cowardly and weak. To a laughable degree, he was despicable.

‘I became a professor to help and guide students, yet in the end, I couldn’t even get angry. All I did was sneak away like a thief….’

When his thoughts reached that point, tears welled up in Jeran’s eyes and soon fell soundlessly.

An emotion difficult to put into words swept over him.

Because he himself was so worthless, he couldn’t understand why Lucia had to receive such cold treatment from Karl Evenhart, and it made him frustrated and miserable.

She was very young, not long past coming of age.

An age when she should have been full of curiosity about the world, studying plenty of magic she loved, and shining with dreams and hope for the future.

He couldn’t accept why someone like her had to live her life staring at the world with such hollow eyes.

Jeran cried silently for a long time, and when the tears finally stopped, he dragged his feet along weakly.

Even after arriving home, he tossed and turned for a long time, unable to fall asleep.

It was a painful night.

***

[To Jeran Ennessy.

I read the letter you sent.

I was surprised when there was no reply from you for quite some time, since you always sent a response unfailingly the day after a letter arrived. But after reading the letter you sent, I understood why there had been no reply all this time.

I had hoped you would keep your distance from Lucia Even, but contrary to my wishes, it seems the goddess of fate wanted you and Lucia Even to meet.

You wrote to me hoping for some kind of advice regarding Lucia Even, but I can’t give you any advice at all.

Whether you take responsibility for that child or not is entirely up to you. That isn’t something I can decide.

Even if you don’t take responsibility for that child, no one, including me, will blame you. Of course, your heart will suffer.

But the moment you decide to take responsibility for that child, almost everyone will blame you, except for a few who know you.

I don’t want you to act according to my advice.

No matter what choice you make, I’ll respect it, and if you need my help, I’ll reach out my hand anytime. That’s the only advice I can give you.

Choose what you want to choose, Jeran.

P.S. I’m doing well, and it seems there are no problems with my health so far. It looks like recuperation is helping my health a lot.

If you have time next time, come down. These days I’ve been spending time baking pumpkin pie, and the people around me are giving it fairly good reviews. If you come, I’ll treat you.

From Isabella Cornell.]

***

After his attempt to lessen his heartache by leaning on someone else’s choice failed, Jeran’s time flowed slowly and quickly.

Even after the break ended and the semester began, Jeran still couldn’t make any decision.

One option, giving up on helping Lucia Even, was tied to one of his arms, and the other option, helping Lucia Even, was tied to the other, pulling him taut from both sides.

It was pain that felt like his body was literally splitting in two, to the point he wondered if choosing something had ever been this painful in his life.

Jeran wished Lucia would take his class this semester.

He planned to face her directly and call her to his office under the pretext of hearing a student’s opinion about the class, and at least talk.

Whether there was anything difficult while attending the academy, whether there was anything she needed help with, whether she was getting along with her advising professor, and so on.

As they talked, if Lucia Even told him she needed his help, then he’d decide then. He’d reach out his hand once.

But unfortunately, Lucia Even didn’t register for his class this semester.

He checked the names written in the attendance sheet five or six times, but he couldn’t find her name anywhere.

In the end, Jeran was once again placed at a crossroads. A crossroads he simply couldn’t choose with his own hands.

Jeran vowed he would help Lucia, then got scared of the future where he’d be branded a traitor and withdrew that vow, then still thought that as a professor, he shouldn’t leave a precious student to go through such a thing without protecting her, but the moment he protected her, the fact that he’d have to take responsibility for her entire life frightened him, and he repeated hesitating like that.

Then, one day.