Dirty Heart - Chapter 32

The rust-covered metal drew closer to Lionel’s heart. Listening to the pounding rain, Courtney held her breath.

“…You bastard.”

What filled the woman’s eyes as she looked down at him was pure rage. Yet despite the fury that kept swelling without end, she couldn’t bring herself to carry out the next act.

After hesitating for a long time, she examined the tip of the scissors. It was heavily rusted and looked unbearably dull. She wondered if it would even pierce properly if she tried to stab a heart with something like this.

The blade that had been hovering over his heart quietly shifted and moved toward his neck. She considered cutting the artery, but she was afraid that blood might gush out like in the movies.

Then what about his eyes? If nothing else, blinding him might at least buy her enough time to escape.

Gritting her teeth, she struggled desperately to steel herself. She reminded herself over and over again that if not now, she might never get another chance to run.

The scissors trembling dangerously over Lionel’s eyelid.

“…!”

At that moment, Lionel slowly opened his eyes. Even though a slight movement of his head could have caused the cold metal to pierce his eye, the man’s blue gaze remained completely calm.

“…Courtney.”

When he called her name, cold sweat dampened the hand gripping the scissors. Her hand was so slick it felt like she could drop it onto his face at any moment.

But Lionel showed no sign of surprise or panic. He simply gazed at Courtney for a long time, quietly.

Then words she could never have expected slipped from his mouth.

“Stab me.”

For a moment, she doubted her ears and asked back, her face pale.

“…What did you say?”

“You want to live, don’t you?”

Perhaps because Lionel’s voice was so calm, it felt even more unreal. And the gaze directed at Courtney seemed filled with deep pity and affection.

“…So you knew everything.”

“I think that’s my line.”

Lionel gave a faint smile. The heat of his high fever radiated clearly at such close distance, making something inside her chest feel uneasy for no reason.

“Since when did you know? That I want your heart….”

“Does that even matter now? You really are… a hopeless bastard.”

She deliberately raised her voice to hide the weakness creeping into her true feelings. The fact that she was this shaken by Lionel’s burning body and pitiful state disgusted her.

“What are you doing, Courtney? Hurry up. Stab me.”

“Y-You think… I can’t do it?”

“I’ll help you.”

Lionel gently wrapped his hand around hers as it trembled while holding the scissors. Then, without the slightest hesitation, he brought the tip of the scissors close to his own neck.

“W-What are you doing right now…!”

“You’re hesitating.”

Before she knew it, bright red blood began to flow from the man’s skin. Startled, she tried to pull her hand away, but Lionel only gripped it tighter as if to show her.

“Why? Now that it comes to killing me, you can’t do it?”

“You’re crazy… You’re really crazy.”

Calling him crazy was nothing more than a reproach directed at herself. In the midst of utter confusion, even the voice of Courtney Balkan, who had cried out for Lionel to be saved, burrowed painfully into her ears.

-Please save Lionel.

-I’m begging you. I feel so sorry for Lionel.

Perhaps the rusted scissors were sharper than expected. More and more blood began to seep from the man’s wound, until it finally dyed his white shirt red.

Clang-!

At last, the scissors in her hand slipped and fell weakly to the floor. The resolve to take revenge had already lost its purpose and grown faint. All that remained was self-reproach directed at herself.

“…Hah, th-this makes no sense.”

Lionel Erhardt. She had to kill this bastard no matter what, yet she couldn’t understand why a part of her heart kept softening.

“I… I will never give you my heart. Just wait and see…. I will never die. I’ll survive, no matter what, I will.”

Even as she sobbed, Courtney did not bend her will to live. She felt like a fool for failing to kill Lionel in the end, but that didn’t mean she had any intention of quietly accepting death.

“My twenty-third birthday…. On that day, I planned to kill you and transplant your heart.”

At his confession, like a form of repentance, Courtney’s body stiffened.

“Do you know why I wanted to transplant your heart?”

“Are you seriously asking that right now?”

She replied with a cynical laugh.

“Because you want to live. Someone like me, a lowly maid, doesn’t matter at all anyway.”

After a brief silence at her words, he spoke again, saying something she never expected.

“…To die.”

“What?”

Not to live, but to die? Hearing him, Courtney’s heart dropped.

“If the heart transplant succeeded… I was going to die in front of my father. My life was nothing but a chessboard for him anyway. I was sick of everything.”

“That’s a lie. Do you think I’m an idiot…?”

She couldn’t believe it. There had been nothing like this in the original story. In the original, Lionel receives Courtney’s heart, goes to war and achieves great victories, meets the beloved female lead, and marries her. Duke Erhardt lives in luxury before dying of old age.

And now what…? He decided on suicide for revenge? It was absurd.

“I wanted to stab my father in the back with a blade called misfortune… at the very moment he felt the happiest.”

But Lionel’s voice, as he continued, was filled with anger that ran to the bone. The intensity in his eyes made it impossible to believe it was an act.

Resentment toward his father, anger at his fate, and a desperate desire to escape from all of it filled his blue eyes.

“But… I changed my mind.”

Lionel’s expression, twisted with rage, softened in an instant. As if he had become someone else entirely, the gaze he directed at Courtney was filled with warmth.

“If I’m going to die anyway, I don’t want to transplant your heart. That’s why I’m letting you go.”

“…Now, of all times?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, Courtney.”

Lionel called her name with deep affection.

“I love you. I truly came to love you.”

“…!”

She was at a loss for words. Even knowing how foolish it was, a hollow expectation stirred that maybe Lionel’s confession was sincere. Just as the urge to trust him one last time began to rise.

“So go.”

As he gently caressed Courtney’s small hand, he spoke desperately.

“Soon, the mounted soldiers my father sent will arrive. Run far away before you’re discovered.”

The sight of the man pretending to think of her now, of all times, was utterly infuriating. Courtney glared at him with bloodshot eyes.

“Stop playing games! Do you think anyone would feel grateful for this?”

“You can think of it as a game if you want. Either way, you have to live. Okay?”

As if to match his warning that the mounted soldiers were coming, the sound of approaching hooves suddenly grew clearer beyond the window.

“If you go north, there’s a small port.”

Lionel quickly pulled out a small leather pouch from his coat. Judging by its weight, it was clearly filled with gold coins.

“Use this to pay for passage. It should be enough to last you for a few years.”

“But… Liam—.”

“Even now, you’re worried about that child?”

He gave a bitter smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility for saving Liam.”

It was hard to trust Lionel completely, but she realized there was no more time to hesitate and slowly pushed herself to her feet.

Whether he was sincere or not wasn’t the most important thing right now. Escaping this place came first.

“There’s no time. Hurry!”

At the man’s urging, Courtney turned back one last time.

The blood running down from his neck, his pale face, the gaze that seemed concerned only for her… At least in this moment, everything about the man felt real, and her chest ached.

“Goodbye, Lionel.”

After giving her farewell in a calm voice, she pushed the door open and ran out.