A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 68

Eleanor placed a hand over her chest and pressed down firmly. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt she could only breathe if she did that.

Faced with a truth she simply couldn’t believe, she had no choice but to say once more the words she didn’t even want to utter.

“That can’t be…. That’s completely unthinkable…! How could they do such a thing? How could they do that to innocent children? They’re their own children!”

Her broken, scream-like whisper was desperate. Half of her desperately refused to believe it, while the other half despaired over the vile customs of theirs that she already vaguely knew about.

The abbess also murmured in a voice steeped in despair, “Belgar, this land of Römern, no longer receives Saint Orsetia’s blessing. This land has stagnated and rotted away. No longer….”

They defied the will of Saint Orsetia, the symbol of fertility and abundance, and harmed newborn children in the name of their wicked superstitions and hideous desires.

“At least in Gammelstad, we’re able to take in the children like this. His Grace the Duke instructed us to care for the innocent children….”

Eleanor recalled the children she’d seen at the orphanage. It was a convent that maintained a modest household in a secluded place, but the children were neatly dressed and had the healthy complexions of those who were well fed.

Though they’d lost their parents’ love, there were no shadows on their faces, and all of them had bright, sparkling eyes.

“But… that still isn’t enough to justify taking their parents away from them.”

The abbess nodded sorrowfully. “You’re right. What more is there to say…? I can only thank God that we’re able to protect those children, even if only in this way.”

Under the lord’s tacit approval and support, they were doing what the emperor despised most. All so the children could survive. What could possibly be more important than that?

“Changing the world and changing people’s minds is an extremely difficult thing…. Failing to correct something even when you know it’s wrong is a sin, but I’m merely doing the best I can.”

For a while, only a heavy silence settled between them.

The corners of Eleanor’s eyes kept growing hot. Barely holding herself together as her mind threatened to become a tangled mess and burn black, she struggled to remain calm.

El, why aren’t you angry? You already realized it.

The familiar voice whispered inside her head.

Is it because of that man? That man who smells nice.

“….”

“Stay with me in Belgar. …Even after the year is over.”

The man hadn’t said why he wanted her to stay with him. The firm attitude with which he’d drawn the line at one year had vanished, yet even as he told her, a woman who wasn’t in her right mind and clearly posed a danger, to remain in his space, he made no confession. He merely told her to stay by his side.

El, in the end, you abandoned your true self. Just like all those nobles of Römern. I suppose you’re no different after all, El.

Because changing the world is too difficult.

Eleanor gave that answer in return. What could she possibly do? When merely becoming happy was something she could only manage with great difficulty, what could she possibly do?

Let’s stay. Let’s bury it. Let’s cover it up.

Was that the right thing to do?

The click of a teacup being placed on the table finally pulled Eleanor from her thoughts. When she raised her head, Marta was setting down the tea with a demure air.

When their eyes met, the girl with pretty brown eyes smiled brightly. As if in response, Eleanor awkwardly tugged her lips into a smile.

Marta returned to her original seat and began organizing the documents. The abbess glanced at her before speaking in a low voice.

“Marta was born a twin as well.”

“….”

“She helps take care of the household here at the convent. We took her in when she was four, so it’s been quite some time….”

Eleanor suddenly grew curious.

“…Where do the children go when they grow up?”

It might be possible to keep them hidden in the orphanage while they were young, but what would happen once they grew older? For instance, when they were like Marta before her, who would soon come of age.

People who looked exactly alike couldn’t live in the same area. What if they happened to run into each other? What if someone discovered that they were twins?

“They leave the empire.”

“….”

“They board ships at Gammelstad Harbor and go abroad. They’re employed as servants of Nielsen, then settle and live in whichever country they choose.”

There, they began a second life. They turned their backs on the homeland where they were born, as well as their parents and friends, and began anew.

“They can remain in Römern if they wish. In one of the remote border regions, perhaps…. But none of the children have ever chosen to do so.”

“…Will Horson do the same?”

“…Yes. Most likely.”

“But the child… knows his parents and brother.”

She’d said his family visited him once a week, bringing sweets he liked or clothes they’d made for him.

Eleanor remembered the hem of the loose shirt Horson had been wearing. The initials H.K. were embroidered on it. They were probably the initials of the child’s given name and surname.

“Even if he knows them, one day he comes to understand that he can’t be with them.”

Why did it have to be that way? What was so important and so momentous about that superstition?

Why did they have to suffer rejection that had been created by nothing more than people’s words?

Why did we have to suffer it? If such a superstition hadn’t existed, then perhaps we too….

“In truth, without His Grace’s support, the children in the cottage behind the orphanage probably wouldn’t exist either. I hear people in the capital consider him cold. Forgive me for speaking so presumptuously, but I believe the duke is a very warmhearted man.”

“….”

“…Because he’s someone who feels responsible for everything within his embrace.”

A man capable of shouldering everything he embraced. She too must surely be included within the bounds of the responsibility he felt.

“I truly believe it’s fortunate that someone like you is by his side, madam.”

“….”

“May God watch over you both.”

Eleanor couldn’t give any answer to the abbess’s benevolent blessing.

After preparing to leave, Eleanor eventually headed toward the front yard where the carriage was waiting.

After bidding the abbess farewell, she was about to board the carriage when she spotted Marta. When Eleanor walked over and stopped before her, the brown-eyed girl shyly curtsied.

“Marta… I heard you have an older sister.”

A thin but clear voice soon answered quietly.

“Yes, madam. I have a twin sister.”

“…I heard you’ll have to leave this place soon.”

Next year, Marta would turn eighteen and come of age, which meant she would have to leave the orphanage.

Eleanor hesitated before continuing, “…Won’t you be sad? You’ll never be able to see your sister again.”

Eleanor knew the desolation of losing the only person she’d relied on and being left alone in the world. She knew the sadness, the sorrow, and the injustice of it.

At Eleanor’s question, Marta thought carefully before giving her answer with a faint smile. “Even if we can’t see each other again, we’ll still be connected.”

“….”

“We lived in the same body and were born together, so even when we’re apart, we’re still connected. So I’ll be all right.”

Marta’s eyes widened in surprise. The eyes of the beautiful noblewoman before her had crumbled beneath a sorrow too profound to fathom.

***

Matthias’s piercing eyes looked down at the paper on his desk.

It had been enclosed with an urgent message delivered that morning by Albern, the editor-in-chief in the capital.

All their headlines thus far had been much the same, but was it his imagination that this one felt particularly malicious?

He picked up the paper and fixed his gaze on the word “villainess.” He’d gathered well enough that the “Blessing of Römern” supposedly being toyed with between them referred to him.

“Were there no other messages?” he asked the courier who had ridden here personally to deliver it.

“He said he hopes you’ll return to the capital as soon as possible.”

A swift return to the capital. The social season was still in full swing. Considering the various events held by the imperial family, he would have to visit the capital at least once, but he had no particular plans to do so.

No, to be precise, he’d vaguely intended to remain on his estate and avoid the capital for at least this year.

There was only one reason. Eleanor Brynhill.

The woman was visibly regaining her stability. She still sometimes sobbed through nightmares at night, but she was fine as long as he was beside her. He could soothe her in his arms without worrying about anyone else.

Ask the woman. Ask her exactly why she’s like this. Ask her properly why she carries rumors that don’t suit her at all and why people speak of her with such labels.

Someone inside Matthias pressed him, but he ignored it. More precisely, he didn’t want to answer.

“…Give this to Albern.”

Instead, he wrote down several instructions and handed them to the courier. Once the courier saluted and left, Matthias rose from his seat.

Through the window of the official residence, he could see the knights training. As he watched them glistening with sweat despite the hot weather, Matthias was suddenly seized by an intense desire to see the woman.

He didn’t hesitate. The moment he left the room, the administrator in the outer office rose and greeted him. Matthias acknowledged him with a slight gesture, then immediately mounted his horse and headed for Solvikviche.

He rode at full speed, and by the time he reached home, the midday sun had lost some of its intensity and was spilling languid sunlight across the grounds. He handed the reins to the butler and immediately got to the point.

“Not returned yet?”

Even without a subject, the butler understood what he meant.

“Madam is at the beach.”

Matthias nodded, then strode on long legs straight toward the stairs behind the estate.

The wind blowing in from the sea whipped fiercely through his hair. Far below, he saw the woman, her body surrendered to the wind buffeting her.

Something about the sight of her looked precarious, and Matthias quickened his pace.