A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 64

Giela Düsseldorf had, unlike most noble ladies her age, an exceptionally sharp memory and keen powers of observation. Her father, Count Düsseldorf, had told her to abandon such unnecessary curiosity early on, but Giela never stopped watching everything that happened around her.

There was no way she would forget the night she experienced the most terrible event of her life.

“I remember everything about that night. Even the smell and the temperature…. The carriage wheels got stuck in the mud on a rainy road, and the coachman was struggling to pull them out. When no sound came for a long time, I thought it was strange…, and then the carriage door flew open and a hand grabbed me and dragged me out. I was thrown straight onto the muddy ground, and my neck….”

She remembered how strong the grip had been. A hand large enough to wrap fully around her neck with one grasp. Giela’s eyes moved to Eleanor’s, gloved in lace.

“You weren’t the culprit that night.”

“I, I… no…. It was me who—”

“If you’re truly sorry to me, then why are you lying?”

Giela couldn’t understand it. When she was told that the culprit behind the attack was a young lady of the Brynhill family, she felt doubt rather than anger.

No matter how she thought about it, there had been no point of contact between the two of them. Even at the balls that were commonly held, or at gatherings of young ladies over tea, she had no memory of ever encountering the name Eleanor Brynhill.

Then why in the world had she done that to her? As the rumors at the time suggested, had she secretly been in love with the Crown Prince? No matter how much she thought about it, there was no answer.

Giela had no choice but to believe that. As it was widely known, that the woman had simply gone mad.

“You stated that you don’t remember that night, didn’t you? …That would be the case. Because the one who tried to kill me wasn’t you. So be honest. If you truly wish to apologize to me. It wasn’t you, was it?”

“…I….”

“Rather than hearing an apology, I want to hear the truth. That is what I want.”

“El… I did something very, very bad. I shouldn’t have done it….”

“Even after I die, I’ll be punished.”

Del had said that in her final moments.

Eleanor had made up her mind.

That she would bear all of that sin herself, so that Del, who had gone to heaven, would not be punished there and would not suffer.

Because we are one. The punishment I receive in your place is the same.

But at this moment, Eleanor couldn’t continue speaking. In front of Giela, who said that only the truth could serve as atonement, she could no longer lie.

Tap, tap, heavy tears fell, tracing down her cheeks and dropping onto the back of her hand. The truth she had kept buried for so long poured out endlessly within them.

Giela watched quietly for a moment, then let out a sigh and handed her a handkerchief. Eleanor hurriedly wiped her tears after offering a half-formed thanks.

“Then there’s no need to hear an apology. Since it wasn’t something you did.”

Letting out a sigh, Giela placed a pipe between her lips with practiced ease. Only after lighting it did she belatedly ask for Eleanor’s understanding. Exhaling a deep stream of smoke, Giela spoke.

“The woman who attacked me. You know who I mean, of course? Since you went so far as to take the blame for her.”

“….”

“I’m not going to ask what your relationship is. It seems you intend to take on that person’s crime, but that’s of no use to me. So I have no right to interrogate you about it either. However, there is one thing I want to know. The person who attacked me, what happened to her?”

A slight tremor ran through her slender shoulders. Eleanor forced herself to speak calmly.

“…She died.”

“Why—, …no, never mind. I don’t think I need to know that much.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The acrid scent of tobacco drifted out through the open terrace. It was Eleanor who spoke first.

“In truth, the reason I came to see you today… was to apologize, and also… to ask you something.”

“You may ask.”

Eleanor hesitated. Before meeting Giela, this had not been the question she wanted to ask. She had planned to apologize for her wrongdoing, and then ask, ‘Do you know Del?’ Whether she had ever heard that name.

But now she had to confirm something else. What had already begun to harden into certainty within her, she needed to verify it properly. She parted her lips that resisted as if glued shut and slowly forced the words out.

“…Did you… love Del?”

“….”

“Are you that person? The one Del loved, the one who made Del dream.”

At those words, Giela frowned.

“Del? Who is that?”

“….”

“I’ve never heard that name before.”

A hollow laugh slipped from Eleanor’s lips. Even though she had already suspected it, the truth pierced her painfully.

The one Del loved was not Giela Düsseldorf. The one who betrayed that love and made Del cry was not the young lady before her.

Eleanor buried her face in her hands. She remembered Del’s eyes, the same light green as her own, shining while speaking of finally coming to know love. She remembered the voice from that final night, telling her not to love.

Eleanor quickly swallowed her tears. This was not the place to break down in front of Young Lady Giela, who had suffered such a thing without any fault of her own.

“I’m sorry… for showing such an unsightly—”

“There’s something that person said while strangling me.”

The grip had been strong, but not strong enough to kill.

“…Thinking about it now, it didn’t feel like she truly intended to kill me. She could have snapped my neck if she had applied more force, but strangely… there was no strength in it. As if she didn’t want to do it.”

Like someone who wasn’t born with the malice to kill another.

“And she was crying… crying as she muttered.”

“….”

“…I’m not mad, we… we’re not mad….”

There’s a mad disease living in our blood, El.

“And then she called out a name. Iakin.”

Giela knew whose name that was.

Eleanor felt as if she were being swallowed by the pieces of that night now coming together in her mind.

“I don’t know any woman named Del. Even after I heard that you had been caught as the culprit, I only guessed. That she must have been one of the Crown Prince’s women. There were quite a lot of rumors, weren’t there?”

“…Yes.”

“I simply assumed she must have been a woman who admired him to the point of obsession, who grew jealous of me and wanted me dead. We had never even met. Even now, I still don’t understand it. Back then… I went through quite a lot, didn’t I?”

Eleanor said nothing, only listened quietly.

“The rumors about you grew worse over time, to the point where even I wanted to stop them. I even heard a rumor that you were actually a man.”

Giela drew deeply on her pipe, then continued as if letting it out.

“…To be honest, even when the papers named you as the culprit… I didn’t feel much resentment. Of course, what happened that night was terrifying, but in truth… I was grateful.”

“…Grateful?”

At the unexpected words, Eleanor looked at Giela.

“It was only something decided according to my father’s will. I never wanted to become the Crown Prince’s wife. And in the near future, I would have been forced to become the Empress of Römern. …Doesn’t your head feel heavy just thinking about it? And….”

“….”

“I truly hated the Crown Prince.”

She hated him from the bottom of her heart. Many young ladies coveted the seat beside him, but Giela disliked him as a person. A womanizer, a hypocrite, and even the faintly fishy scent of his body masked with strong perfumes and incense was unbearable to her.

“It’s a pity that there’s no longer anyone left for me to forgive. But if these words can bring you any comfort, I’d like to say this. I’m fine now.”

Giela gestured lightly around the spacious room.

“Everything I want is here now. If that incident had never happened, would I be enjoying this kind of freedom? People say I stay away from society out of shame, but not at all. I like my life now.”

That she likes being able to paint freely, sing, and live as she pleases now, without dressing up or wearing a corset, with a pipe between her lips.

“So, I suppose I should also convey my thanks along with my forgiveness. To that person named Del.”

There was sincerity in Giela’s voice.

“Thank you to you as well, for coming. Thank you for delivering the apology on her behalf, and also… for allowing me to say these words.”

“….”

“The truth is always more comforting than anything else. I hope it has helped you as well.”

Eleanor could not say another word. The truth she now held inside her was far too frightening.