A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 50

Fill a crisp tart shell with cream mixed with vanilla beans. Place thinly sliced fruit on top, let it cool slightly, then pour sticky caramel over it, and a caramel fruit pie that pairs well with unsweetened black tea is complete. Of course, it was a menu that had never once appeared on the Nielsen dining table.

The caramel pie, made with all the skill the chef could muster, looked sweet just from the sight of it. Matthias, who didn’t like sweet things, only watched the woman as she ate.

So she liked sweets that much. Once again, Matthias learned something about Eleanor’s tastes. The woman who had said she had no appetite was devouring the pie with genuine relish, as if it were exactly what she had wanted.

By the time the dish was about half empty, he opened his mouth.

“How did you end up in Madam Carnival’s summer garden?”

Eleanor, who had been chewing on the caramel pie, wiped her lips with a napkin and gently set down her fork.

“…There was a violet card among the invitations.”

“Why did you dress as a man?”

“The card said… that was the dress code….”

“You went out dressed like that and neither the butler nor the head maid stopped you?”

“…I changed in the carriage.”

Matthias felt a dizzying sensation once more.

“You received an invitation to a place that could be dangerous and just went without thinking? You changed in the carriage…. Did you never imagine that someone might attack that carriage?”

“…No.”

“Ha….”

He let out a deep sigh.

What if, and it was an unpleasant thought, but what if Matthias hadn’t gone to that garden?

In that place where men and women alike were eager to cling to one another, if someone had taken a liking to the small-framed man in the bear mask, and if, in her intoxicated state, something had happened even though she didn’t want it—

“I wanted people to know that I’m not strange….”

Just as he tore apart the absurd thoughts filling his head, the woman’s quiet confession flowed out.

When he lifted his gaze, the woman was hunched over, fiddling with the fruit on her fork, completely withdrawn. Like a child who had been scolded.

“What do you mean by that?”

“…When I went to the imperial event last time, even though I didn’t make a mistake, there were still many people who looked at me strangely. Of course, that’s something I have to bear.”

“….”

“But still, I hoped they would understand at least a little that I’m not as bad or strange as the rumors say.”

“Why?”

“I was worried that because of me, you might also be seen badly….”

For a moment, he stopped as if he had forgotten how to breathe.

Since getting to know the woman, he had often felt something like this. His words would be cut off, and it felt as if he forgot how to breathe.

Who could possibly look at Nielsen in a strange way? He could say with certainty that within this empire, no one could. Not the nobles of Belgar, not the wanderers on the streets or the children, not even the distant villagers in the countryside.

No one could bring down Nielsen. No one could, not Matthias Nielsen.

And yet the woman says that her reckless, dangerous actions were entirely for him. Compared to every privilege he had always taken for granted, was it his illusion that this felt especially significant in this moment?

Matthias slowly exhaled. His voice came out a little softer.

“…Why did you attack Madam Carnival?”

“Because….”

He remembered the small figure that had practically thrown itself at him. Brave like a flying squirrel.

“Because she kept asking… to see… Your Grace’s….”

“….”

“And taking off your clothes when the other person doesn’t want it is very rude, isn’t it?”

“Ha… ha, haha….”

Matthias finally burst into laughter. It was the kind of laugh that came from sheer disbelief, all his strength draining out, and yet somehow it carried a trace of amusement.

“So you did it to save me?”

“Yes…. Did I, misunderstand it?”

“What do you mean, misunderstood?”

“Well… you seemed to like it, Your Grace, so I thought I might have… interfered for no reason….”

She was asking whether she had intruded on a good atmosphere between the two of them. It was absurd.

“Not at all.”

He answered firmly without a hint of laughter, then seemed to think for a moment before speaking again.

“Then if I had been doing something with Madam Carnival by mutual consent, would you have pretended not to see?”

“….”

The woman blinked as if she didn’t understand the intention behind the question, then her face flushed as if embarrassed.

“…I suppose I wouldn’t have the right to interfere…?”

“….”

The ground beneath his feet, which had felt as soft as walking on clouds just moments ago, suddenly became irritating, like a road he didn’t want to walk. For the first time since he was seven, he felt like kicking at any stone in his path.

“My wife is quite generous. To think you’d simply overlook your husband embracing another woman right in front of you, you truly understand the virtues of a noble lady. …Ah, but—”

At this point, a mischievous impulse suddenly rose within him.

“If I had embraced Madam Carnival, then who would have soothed my wife’s body last night?”

“….”

“Didn’t you practically threaten me to give you my lips?”

“I, I never… threatened you—”

“And when you got angry asking me to hold you.”

“….”

“And I clearly told you we shouldn’t do it outside.”

Her face flushed pink like her hair. Swallowing his laughter, he continued casually.

“The one who wanted to see mine hard, was that a person or a bear?”

“….”

“You kept making a fuss saying do it quickly, put it in, so—”

He stopped mid-sentence, not because he was worried she might cry.

Not because the woman, hurt by his teasing, was sulking, nor because he had belatedly realized it was an improper joke for a gentleman.

What stopped Matthias’s words, more precisely his mouth, was the caramel pie.

A slice of caramel pie, the Nielsen chef’s ambitious creation topped with thin apple and apricot and drenched in sticky caramel. Eleanor pushed a bite of it straight into Matthias’s mouth.

“…You must be tired, right? Try eating something sweet!”

Speaking awkwardly, the woman’s expression shifted between laughter and tears, unable to hide her agitation.

Why did her face without any mask feel so strangely pleasant at that moment?

As he bit down on what had suddenly been placed in his mouth, a piercing sweetness spread instantly.

Ah, again. Without even having the time to hold it back, he surrendered once more to the laughter bursting out of him.

Covering his mouth as he laughed openly, Eleanor glanced at him with a slightly sulky expression.

But soon, she found herself smiling as well. Because the sight of the man laughing brightly looked better than ever.

Matthias gathered himself and took a sip of his black tea. Sweet dessert and bitter tea, not a bad combination. After thinking for a moment, he opened his mouth.

“Let’s do this. From now on, I’ll review every invitation that comes to you and sort them into places you must attend, places you may attend, and places you must never attend.”

It was the complete opposite of the condition he had set when he first brought Eleanor Brynhill into the family. It didn’t even occur to him anymore that he had originally intended to give her only a nominal name and ‘leave her unattended’ somewhere in a corner of the estate.

“Wherever you go, whoever you meet, you are to tell me everything. And under no circumstances are you to dress as a man again.”

“I know that now too, you know?”

The way she flared up at the deliberate teasing reminded him of the small white puppy his aunt had kept when he was young. He bit back his laughter at the thought that if she heard it, she would have barked sharply, and continued speaking.

“And as for the stares—”

He tapped the armrest as if thinking for a moment.

No one thinks that way about Nielsen. You are Nielsen. He had said it several times already, but it seemed it hadn’t been much help to the woman.

The woman had tried to harm someone and had committed a crime. That fact, which he already knew, was gradually fading in his mind.

It was because the gap between the events he hadn’t witnessed and the woman he was seeing now was too great.

Eleanor watched the man in thought, hesitating over whether to speak. But she decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, and there was no way she could find an answer on her own. Gathering her courage, she opened her mouth.

“Um… actually, there’s something… I’d like to ask of you.”

Matthias faced the woman, whose expression had grown noticeably more serious than before.

“I… I would like to apologize… to Young Lady Düsseldorf… to make amends.”

“….”

“I know… it’s a late apology. But… I really want to apologize. If it could help even a little with the pain in her heart and body…. But….”

“You mean you don’t know where Young Lady Düsseldorf is, is that what you’re trying to say?”

The young lady who had nearly become the Crown Princess had left the capital under the pretext of treatment after that incident. In a way, it was a similar path to Eleanor Brynhill’s, but unlike Eleanor, who had returned to the capital, she hadn’t come back.

“Could you find her for me? If she doesn’t wish to see me, I won’t meet her.”

Matthias weighed the woman’s request.

If he placed it on a scale and measured the gains and losses, there wasn’t a single benefit for him. It would only add more work, making it a clear loss.

And a late apology. What use could that possibly have? It would only waste manpower and time.

From the perspective of a businessman, the conclusion was already decided. Yet the reason he couldn’t cut it off cleanly like before was because the woman’s clasped hands were trembling faintly. Because even as she tried to smile so as not to burden him, the corners of her lips looked somehow sorrowful. That was why.

“…If you apologize, it would certainly elevate the dignity of Nielsen.”

The dignity of Nielsen would be better upheld by divorcing the woman.

“Repenting one’s wrongs before God is also considered a virtue among the nobles of Römern.”

Then she should go to a church instead. Go and make a confession.

The words that kept shouting within him were ignored entirely by Matthias.

What’s so difficult about this? It’s simple. So simple that it’s almost too trivial to even consider ignoring. He can treat it as an act of generosity befitting someone who possesses everything.

“I’ll look into it.”