A Mad Lady’s Confession - Chapter 38
“Nielsen has been a target of envy for about five hundred years. From fellow nobles.”
“….”
“That means my ancestors received those kinds of looks as well.”
There wasn’t any grand reason. Simply because they were Nielsen.
He was used to it. Fearing them while wanting to find fault, admiring them while wanting to drag them down somehow, that kind of psychology was part of human nature. Especially among the nobles of Belgar.
“…Those looks don’t bother you? …I suppose it’s only natural for me, since I’ve committed a sin, but….”
Her voice inevitably trailed off. Like a dying ember, as the end of her voice faded, a steady, unwavering voice followed.
“I consider it the original sin of those born with much.”
He called it a sin, but his tone carried a certain ease, as if to say, what can you do when you’re outstanding.
“Additionally, I don’t care at all. At most, they can’t become any kind of threat.”
No matter how they looked at him, they couldn’t harm even a single strand of Matthias’s hair. If he tried to restrain their gazes, it would only be they who suffered instead.
Eleanor envied that solidity of his. What kind of life does one live to speak with such certainty? Once, ‘Del’ had spoken with a voice like that as well.
“I’m not particularly interested in your past.”
“….”
“Only the present matters. You’ve paid your own price for the past, and in any case, right now you stand here beside me as a Nielsen.”
Even as he spoke, Matthias found himself puzzled. Why am I saying this? Doesn’t this look like I’m comforting her?
He paused for a moment. As soon as he felt the woman’s gaze looking up at him, his lips continued speaking regardless of his will.
“From what I hear, my reputation makes me sound like quite an unpleasant man.”
“…That’s true.”
Hearing the woman’s quiet agreement, he felt like arguing back, but Matthias let it pass with a breath of a laugh and continued, “Humans tend to think however suits them, so I don’t care what they think of me. However—”
His voice grew more confidential.
“Do you know why all these nobles are lined up without even entering the audience chamber?”
Along the corridor covered with a red carpet, numerous nobles stood in a long line before the still-closed doors of the audience chamber. Matthias deliberately slowed his pace to match the woman’s steps and whispered near her ear.
“Because I haven’t yet had an audience with the Emperor.”
Even among nobles, there existed strict hierarchies within their own ranks in Römern society. Though they rushed to line up to meet the Emperor, since the Nielsen name, which would be written at the very top of the audience list, had not yet appeared, they could do nothing but wait.
“Unless Nielsen opens that door, none of the families here can enter it. Even so, they’re probably cursing me as an unpleasant man in their hearts, all of them thinking as they please.”
“….”
After finishing his words, Matthias straightened his posture and, fixing his gaze ahead, continued in a low voice, “So you should think of it differently as well. The reason they’re looking at you like that isn’t because of your past, but because you’re a Nielsen.”
“…Thinking as I please?”
“Of course. Thinking as you please.”
The man’s voice wasn’t sweet like it was coated in sugar, nor was it slick with cleverness. Like something cleanly cut with a well-sharpened blade, it was, as always, a voice without bends, crisp and even.
And yet, in this moment, it reached Eleanor’s heart more softly and gracefully than any curve. Thump, thump, the heartbeat that had slowed with tension and fear gradually quickened again.
A long time ago, on a certain day when ‘we’ had been forgotten, Eleanor once starved for five days without even a sip of water. The strength drained from her entire body, her breathing wouldn’t come properly, and she trembled, unable to lift even a single fingertip.
When she had faced the contemptuous gazes of others just now, Eleanor felt the same as she did then. Her weakened hands had trembled uncontrollably.
But now, the moment she heard Matthias’s voice, blood rushed all the way to her fingertips. She couldn’t tell where in her body such a strong pulse could come from, as heat spread through every part of her.
And so, she found herself wanting to speak. Everything, from the present he knew to the past he didn’t care to know.
“You promised, El. We said it would be our secret.”
I know, Del. Instead of opening her mouth, Eleanor gripped his arm more firmly.
Matthias felt the small hand tighten around the arm he had offered for escort.
“….”
Isn’t it inevitable? She is, for now, a Nielsen, and he simply couldn’t stand by and watch something bearing the Nielsen name shrink back. Matthias was someone who valued the present.
He gave himself that explanation for his uncharacteristic behavior.
At last, their steps came to a stop before the doors of the audience chamber. As he gave a slight nod, the chamberlain loudly announced the audience of Duke Matthias Nielsen and the Duchess. The doors opened, and their aligned steps moved slowly inside.
Eleanor did not make a mistake, just as she had resolved.
Though he didn’t know what kind of courage their brief conversation had given her, she displayed an attitude far beyond her etiquette teacher’s expectations.
Of course, she couldn’t help but feel nervous the moment she first faced the Emperor. After all, she carried the crime of having attacked someone who was to become a member of the imperial family.
With the Empress confined due to an unfortunate incident, the Emperor received the audience alone. Under normal circumstances, he would have had his favored Madam Charlotte standing beside him, but as she was pregnant and, recently, quite conscious of outside scrutiny because of ‘The Paper,’ that was not the case.
Perhaps because of that, even upon seeing Eleanor, he showed no particular displeasure or discomfort.
Along with the formal words congratulating their marriage, he added a remark that did not quite suit her situation, saying that as a great noble and the mistress of the Nielsen household, he hoped she would become a model for the other noble ladies.
Eleanor thought the Emperor did not recognize her. She had once strangled a young lady who was to become the Crown Princess, and yet he was telling her to be a model.
If Matthias had known Eleanor’s thoughts, he would have told her that the Emperor, by nature, did not pay much attention to matters that were not his own, even if they concerned his children.
In any case, the audience, during which extra time was granted only to the Nielsen family, came to an end without incident. As Eleanor, who had barely made it through that hurdle, finally managed to steady her breathing, the head lady-in-waiting approached her.
“I will escort the Duchess.”
Ah, is it already that time? When Eleanor turned her head to look up, Matthias gave a small nod and opened his mouth.
“Then I hope you have an enjoyable time, my wife.”
Eleanor bent her knees slightly in a polite greeting, then turned her body toward the head lady-in-waiting.
For some reason, he kept his gaze on the back of her neck, growing more distant with each step, for quite a while.
***
‘Don’t act unsophisticated, Eleanor. I won’t be amazed by anything. No, I am amazed, but I won’t show it.’
Eleanor pressed her lips together and put on a determined expression.
However, as the number of times the hem of her dress dragged along the floor increased, her almond-shaped eyes gradually widened. By the time she entered the place where the tea gathering was being held, her cherry-like lips had parted on their own, and she had to compose herself.
Beneath a vast canopy embroidered with gold thread, several tea tables decorated with laurel trees and ash blossoms were arranged.
Unlike the intense sunlight pouring down outside the canopy, beneath the shade, even an artificially created stream flowed convincingly, making it feel as though she had stepped into the world of nymphs.
To drive away the heat, attendants fanned from all sides, and perhaps some kind of mechanism had been set up, as a mist-like spray of water burst out here and there at intervals, keeping the air cool.
At the scenery that felt like something out of a fairy tale she had read as a child, Eleanor’s gaze kept wandering.
As she appeared at the outdoor tea gathering, where about thirty people were seated, the commotion stopped all at once, and soon a low murmur spread.
Eleanor straightened her back and headed toward the table guided by the head lady-in-waiting.
“Welcome. You know me, don’t you?”
“I greet Her Imperial Highness the Princess. May the blessing of the Sun God be upon you.”
At Alicia’s invitation to take a seat, Eleanor sat down neatly.
Just by looking at the people seated together at the table, one could tell the standing of each family, as the members of each tea table were strictly divided. Eleanor was naturally granted the right to sit at the Princess’s table.
“This is your first imperial event, isn’t it, madam?”
Eleanor hurriedly answered, “Yes. It is, Your Highness.”
“You don’t seem to appear often at social gatherings. Is there a reason?”
The one who asked was Marchioness Tutenia, who was seated at the table with them.
Her grandfather, who had received the marquis title, was one of Römern’s long-standing meritorious retainers and had been among those who greatly assisted the current Emperor in ascending the throne.
Though she had passed the title to her grandson-in-law, she was still known as the only person with whom the Emperor could truly speak openly, so the influence of Marchioness Tutenia was considerable despite her young age.
“I was only recently married, so I wasn’t afforded the leisure to accept invitations. From now on… I plan to attend many gatherings.”
“Not that you didn’t accept them, but rather… there weren’t any invitations to begin with?”
As Countess Damon, adorned lavishly with reddish-brown hair, added that remark, soft laughter passed across the table.
“That can’t be. I’m a Nielsen.”
She said it lightly, then lifted her teacup and took a sip. No one continued the conversation after that.
Alicia smiled as if impressed and spoke, “You heard her. The Duchess now has the leisure to accept invitations, so everyone may send her one.”
The moment Alicia finished speaking, a sharply pointed remark pierced across the tea table.
“Well now, wouldn’t it be frightening to extend an invitation?”
A heavy silence settled over the tea table in the middle of the day.
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